Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
