$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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