ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
