That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
