the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
