Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
