I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
