yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
