so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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