Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
