Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
