I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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