Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
