May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
