Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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