K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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