I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
