arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
smell my finger.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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