Can Purell be used as lube?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
