dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My balls are so social today.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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