I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
