i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
