He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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