How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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