I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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