I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
