Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
