I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
