Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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