I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
