I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
