he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
