They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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