so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
