By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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