It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
