Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
