so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
