Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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