even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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