I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
