And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Shame - the story of my life.
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