I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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