I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
