what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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