"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
