that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
