My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
