it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
