He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
