Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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