is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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