i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
