i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
