The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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