So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
