dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
